To all of the people who ever made me feel scared to be myself,

 

I know that I will never be perfect and neither will you

But God doesn't expect that from any of us

I used to not want to be around religious people anymore

I thought they would hate me for who I was, and it scared me to the Core

But I have realized that no matter what it says it can't be true

For, I asked my God if it was, to change me too

I used to have such a hatred for myself for Liking girls and not guys

made so many stupid choices that turned in two failed tries

all I learned is that I couldn't make myself straight

and that this world was just filled with too much hate

and I mean straight marriage has less than a 50% success rate

so you can't tell me that a guy and a girl are the only fate

I keep writing to communicate from my heart

dealing with my feelings and breaking walls apart

Part of wanting to be happy is not holding my emotions in

realizing that all of us sin

We all fall short of the glory of god and he is here for us

In that we must trust

Dealing with being gay yeah I'm still okay

but there is so much to say

When I come out people are always asking when did you know

to be honest girls never didn't have the glow

I remember back in kindergarten I thought girls were so pretty

Seeing a guy and looking down with pity

I mean...

I thought that was what everyone saw, and that I was normal

Not worrying about things like who I would take to the winter formal

I didn’t no what being gay or straight even meant

I was okay with who I was and never had to vent

It wasn't until I got older that I realized that that wasn't what my friends thought

They were always talking about boys and I started to question on the spot

You see I had so many questions in my head but I was keeping it low-key

thinking to myself that if it was “wrong” it must not be me

I was starting to become confused with how I felt

wondering why God gave me the cards I was dealt

You see denial is a wonderful thing

you hear people gay shame and in your brain it doesn't ring

As I entered Middle School everyone I knew was wanting to date a boy

They would get butterflies and talk about how he gave them so much joy

I kept telling myself that unlike them I just wasn't boy crazy

I didn't want to dress up or go out and I much rather would like to be lazy

At this point I knew my friends loved me for who I was then

but I questioned if after I told them that would start to depend

My sexuality was of little importance to me then and I just shoved it down

I didn't want a boyfriend or a girlfriend around

High School is when things started to change

The fact that I didn't like any boys people started to think that was strange

I honestly thought that I will lose everyone if they knew

my anxiety and depression Grew

I can't even explain how I started to have so many fears

I would right and pray every night that was followed with tears

I began to hear so many things about the LGBT community that was around

But I felt so far away and they couldn't hear my sound.

Like with this depression let me explain...

Have you ever felt the most alone in a group of people these days?

you feel like you are alone and going through a mental maze

The funny thing being that you have people all around you

But you either lack a trust in them or can’t explain what you are going through

This year I made the best decision of my life, and I came out.

Very quietly and secretive at first, no, I didn't Shout.

First I told my sister with tears running down my face

So scared that she would look at me different or not accept the case

She had the best reaction though and said Lexi, I will always love you

She wrapped me in a hug and till this day it is so true.

Then came some of my friends slowly one by one

Building up my courage to speak the truth and not run

I then told my brother and a few more close friends too

Starting to get adjusted with more people knowing than a select few

Then came my mom, and the complete anxiety attack was so real

Scared to death about how she would feel.

She too was accepting and I keep letting more slowly no

It has been a long journey of acceptance since last year

But let me tell you to any person in the closet, that it’s not worth living in fear.

Come out and face your fears if you can

And know that being true to yourself is the best way to find happiness.

Sincerely,

Lexi