Dear Happy, 

I search for you in every creak, crack, corner, doorway, action, reaction, and decision.

I don't know if you are with me or without me, but my neurotic spells expel you from my mind

so I hold onto those moments where I lose myself and throw caution out the window.

I know that eventually the past catches up, but until that moment happens

I will risk everything to touch your fingertips again, to feel your breath on the back of my neck,

to drive too fast down an empty highway with you in the passenger seat. 

I am sorry for ignoring you and for knowing you were enough, but still begging for more and more and more

until you were so drained that you had nothing left to give.

I can't promise anything to you, but please visit often enough for me to remember your name when I grow old.