Elementary school

Elementary school  To the kids in my elementary school Remember those days when I was that kid who you got placed with because you bullied everyone and no one stood up to you but me? Remember those days that you thought it was funny to call me fat? Or the days that you told me I was too skinny? Remember those days that you told me no one would ever be my friend?  Dear kindergarten teacher, Why did you force me to be with those kids? Just because I can handle them doesn't mean it's safe for me, nor does it mean that I should have to deal with them.  Dear grade 1 EA Do you remember that day that those kid's, ben's, Pokemon cards went missing so you made all of us tear apart our bags and the person I called my best friend took them out of her bag and put them right between my bag and hers so that no one could tell who had them? Remember when I told you it wasn't me? Remember when I told you that same girl stole my little mermaid wallet that had money in it and you didn't believe me? I found out she had it two years later when I saw her tossing it into the air at recess in grade 3.  Dear grade 2 teacher, Why didn't you believe me when I told you the kids in my class were making me sad?  This was the year I broke my foot, and my wrist. You didn't notice something, I understand. Dear grade 3 teacher, Didn't you wonder why I insisted on staying inside a recess? This year I broke 4 bones in one year. Still, no one noticed. Kids have started to make fun. Making jokes about how I always hurt myself saying I'm faking and I'm doing it on purpose.  Dear grade 5 teacher, Why didn't you ask me if I was okay when I came into school with bruises on my body and tears in my eyes? When I hit someone why didn't you ask me if they were being mean? When I was crying in the hallway, why didn't you notice? By this time I have had a total of 7 broken bones and still no one has asked, no one has noticed. Except for the kids now bullying me everyday which you don't seem to notice. Dear grade 6 teacher, When I started failing your class why didn't you ask why, why didn't you notice that I was getting smaller, why didn't you notice that I wasn't eating. Dear grade 7 teacher, You were my teacher in grade 6, how did you not realize something was wrong. I spent all of my time with the kindergartens because they were the only people who didn't make me feel shit about myself. Why didn't you follow me when I ran out of the class, why didn't you see that I hated my life? How could you ignore the bruises and the silent screams, how could you not see that I was dying inside. You have now seen me through 12 broken bones. Why didn't you clue in? Why didn't you ask? Now you have started to laugh along with the kids saying I'm just breakable and I'm clumsy yet you still haven't asked me what happened. You didn't even ask me why I didn't want to participate in gym. If you had asked I would've told you my vagina was bleeding and torn apart and it hurt to walk, and not because I had my period.  Dear grade 8 teacher, I don't understand. You saw three broken bones yourself in this year alone and a torn shoulder and you knew of the other 12 broken bones. You saw days where I would spend hours in the bathroom alone and I would come back with a tear stained face. You knew I sat alone at recess in the corner reading books or recess with the primary kids and the kid in the wheelchair because him and his nurse were two was of my only friends. WHY didn't you notice when I started wearing long sleeves in June, why didn't you notice when I started to refuse to wear shorts in gym class. Where were you when I was sitting in the girls bathroom for two hours with blood dripping down my arm because I hadn't had time to clean it off before I came to school. I know you knew something was wrong because you never got me in trouble for not being in class and you always let my best friend Emily come to me in the bathroom even though she wasn't in your class. So why didn't you say anything?  Dear elementary school kids. Do you remember the days when you called me a liar for saying things like "someone is taking pictures d you without your clothes on" I told you that because I was dissociating, that was part of what I was experiencing from my uncle. So that was me trying to tell someone, me trying to figure out if that was right because that's what I had learned. I had learned that adults have control that they can take pictures of whatever they want. Everyone used to bully me because they thought I lied. I didn't lie, nothing I ever said was a lie, they were all things I had learned from my uncle, all things that had happened to me or that I had experienced. And a year ago I thought I was crazy I thought I was so fucked up that no one could help me but I found the right people and  I know that when I said those things to people I wasn't wrong, that was my way of asking for help. Because though my conscious mind didn't know anything because I was drugged, my subconscious mind wanted me to ask for help. So elementary school kids. It turns out you were wrong. I am not who you said I was.  You will never understand what I went through but I will always remember what you said to me in my worst times. None of you bothered to listen to what I was saying. You just made your assumptions so you will never know the real me and I feel sorry for you because you didn't choose to look past what I was saying and really hear me, and now you will never know the great things about me. 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community

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