Her Love Was A Zombie


United States
32° 49' 28.6824" N, 96° 37' 54.2856" W

Her love was a zombie
So she put him in a cage
She looked at him every day
She woke up to his moaning undead face staring at her.

Every single day she loved him
She had a life beforehand
They had plans to get married
They had plans to grow old together.

They had been together for 3 years
They planned to never leave each other
She loved him
She loved what he used to be.

She loved his rotting face now
She loved that lifeless biting hunger
She stayed up every night listening to the only sounds he made
The only dark moaning ugly emptiness that filled what used to be happiness and a future.

Every single day, she would sit and listen to his "stories"
She would sit and listen to those moans
For hours on end she would imagine that sound that came out was his day at work.
She would imagine it was him telling her how much he loved her
Or how pretty she looked
Or that maybe he was getting sick.

Every one of her responses was, "I love you"
That was all she could say
That was all she wanted to say
It was all that she ever wanted.

In her mind she knew it wasn’t really true
It was the reality that she never wanted to have existed
So she simply didn’t make it exist
It never existed
“It never will exist” she thought.

She sits there every single day
When she is not listening to his stories she is imagining their lives
It plays out in her head,
Their wedding
The two of them growing old
Seeing their life pass by with each other
Dying in each other’s arms
Ending together.
She wakes up from her dream back to the reality that she denies.
It’s not real
It can’t be real
It was too perfect
It’s not what is real
Reality like this is impossible
Nothing like this could have ever happened.

She just wants to sit in her dreams forever with his undead corpse
She can never come close
She can never be close to him again
But she can still live with him.

It’s that little tiny piece of hope in her mind that she holds on to
Because it’s the small little piece of that love that she loved so much
She sits every day in a sad miserable existence denying her reality.
She sits in imagination.

She imagines because it is the reason she lives.
And she lives because she wants to imagine.

She has a gun
She contemplates taking her life
Oh yes, it is a very, very tantalizing solution to it all
To just end it
To never have to think about the reality.

But then tears come to her eyes
She fears uncontrollably, that she might not remember the love on the other side
That if she leaves here, would she bring it with her?
She sets the gun down and starts sobbing.

Every single day
Every single fucking day
She writes this on the walls
When she is not living in her loving past she writes
When she is not living in those prospective fake-futures
She writes.

She cries until she enters her mind
She lives out the life that will never happen
She goes through this process until it’s too much
She goes back to listening to her love's stories.
She loves him.
She loves him.
She loves him.
She can’t stop loving him.

She wants to leave it.
She doesn’t want it any more.
It’s too much.
She can’t hold on to the love.
It’s killing her.
She can’t take the love away from him that she loved so much.

But it’s still impossible to leave to the other side
To pull the trigger.
Because his face is still there
It’s still there
"He is still there... he is just a zombie..." she says.

She looks in his face for that person that she loved
But it’s not there anymore
It will never be there
It used to be
Her love used to be in that face
She used to be in that face.

She can’t control her mind now
It’s so afraid of what would happen
It stays in her imagined future every day until she passes out from exhaustion
She cries because it’s the one happiness in the eternal sadness she lives.

She looks up at his face one last time
She knows the love is there
She considers her options
She cries the entire time
1. Suicide, killing the pain.
2. Continuing her ability to love him.

She picks up the gun
Against her strongest emotion, she aims it at his head.
She loves him so much
She pulls the trigger as she says "I love you"
He is gone now.

She sets the gun down
She sits down and crouches into a ball
She has no more emotions
She does not cry any more
She cannot feel anything now.

There was only one bullet in the gun.
She loved him.
She let him have it.
She loved him.