How to be a best friend

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• You will need duct tape, a freezer, an eraser, a cloud, and 12 Kleenexes

• To begin with take an old friend; you need to have known her at least since you were in elementary, and communicate. You must text and call her throughout your day. She will do the same with you; do this until we get to BFF or SBFF level.

• Next start to talk alike, this will be a piece of cake since you two have been talking and texting like forever. It will be easy to merge your speech together. After you have completed this step you may notice the formation of share sayings and catch phrases like OMG, LOL, whatever and girl! You might even finish each other sentence, read each other’s mind and say things at the same time.

• Then, let her borrow your stuff. Share your closet. This will show trust. Be so close that she can share cereal with you.

• Now this step is tricky and may take many efforts. Be there. I mean be there physical, mentality and emotional. Give up your social life, sanity and job. Take the am calls. Talk her through Tyrone, Derrick and Horacio. Use your erase and gently rub the tears from her checks and the pain from her chest. Be supportive.   

• Build her up. Tell her encouraging things like, you’re better off without him, he doesn’t know what he’s missing and there are plenty of fish and the sea.

• Encourage her to meet new people. Let her meet your friends, parents and associates. 

• Share your dreams with her. Set an example. Empower her

• Bring her into your world. She’s already wearing your clothes, eating your food and using your words. Make her comfortable

• Now grab your duct tape. You won’t need it right now but keep it within a second from you. Take your cloud and scream into it. 5 minutes before and after seeing her, and for 10 minutes after she dolls herself up in your new shirts. 

• Then, place a piece of duct tape over your mouth to help keep the screams in. This will help your pessimistic mask harden into optimism.

• Get your freezer out and put your face in it overnight.

• In 6 days she will run into one of your two “mutual” friends. He will ask her out

• Now of course it will be Marcus, the guy you’ve been secretly crushing on for over a decade. Don’t worry your face will be rock solid and won’t show any emotions

• Be supportive, build her up, encourage her. Place your heart in the freezer.  You and him would have never worked? You weren’t for real about him? It was just a crush.

• Take your duct tape and place it over your ears as he tells her how beautiful she looks in your dress, how lovely your shoes look on her feet and how the hair that you spent an hour doing is picture perfect.

• Be supportive, build her up, encourage her as she talks nonstop about him, as she becomes self and Marcus absorbed.

•Bring back the eraser and gently rub the tears and the pain. If your heart is feeling soft move it to a bigger freezer.

•Ring out your cloud

• Take your duct tape and place it over your eyes as she succeeds in your dream career, as your parents praise her and as news of her engagement rings out.

• Take your heart out of the freezer and find it busted, like a bottle of wine

• Take your 12 Kleenexes and wipe up the mess.

• Say yes when she asks you to be her maid of honor

•Smile

• Comb the grays out of your hair, it’s no wonder nothing works out for you.

• Be supportive, build her up, encourage her

How to be a best friend

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