I am alone

Here’s the thing.

You can tell me I am not alone, keep telling me over and over.

I understand you, I hear you.

I know that there are people going through some really bad shit and that my problems seem irrelevant next to them.

I understand that, more likely than not, you have gone through the same shit that I have sometime in your life.

I understand that there are other people feeling the way I am feeling right now.

But that doesn’t change the way I feel.

I’m sorry that you have had your hard moments, I understand that it sucks, but why would you think telling me about your story make me feel any better, and why do you think you have to make me feel any better.

My emotions are my responsibility.

You can tell me that I am not alone, but when I am sitting up at night, scared of the thoughts running through my own mind, it feels like I’m fucking alone. And I’m ok with that.

I am not feeling this way to get sympathy, I am not feeling this way to get attention, I actually hope that you don’t know.  

And if I do confide in you, or you do figure it out, I am not feeling this way so you can tell me that I am not alone and feel like a better person because of your charity.

I am not a charity case, I am a chemical imbalance.

And yes, it is sad that I have defined myself as my imbalance, but that’s the way I define myself, I need to change that, I get to change that.

I am completely alone in my head, there is no one else in there, and I like it that way.

I am alone.

 
This poem is about: 
Me
Our world

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