I want to be able to explain

To explain what is going on in my head

But to even wake up is a challenge

How am I supposed to explain to you

When I can't even explain to myself

Close your eyes

Not all the way

Just enough to see a sliver of light

That is what it is like inside my head every waking moment

There is always this suffocating darkness

But that sliver of light always seems to be there

Just out of my reach

I have never come close enough to grab ahold of it

The scars you see are not there by accident

I put them there myself

My body and mind were numb

Numb to the point where I could barely feel

Barely feel my skin being sliced open

I have depression

No, I am not sad every once in a while

I am depressed

There are days when I can barely force my feet onto the ground

There are days I force myself to look somewhat presentable

Even though I would rather just stay in bed

I have depression

And I wish I knew how to explain it