Let That Sink In
I fucking hate my body.
Let that sink in:
How much I hate myself.
How much I want to disappear.
How much I hate my life.
Am I justified?
I don't know.
But I cry myself to sleep every night,
Still wearing my sweatpants and sweatshirt
Because I'm too scared to see my body.
How pathetic is that?
I don't let myself see my skin
Because then I'd see my fat
And I'd have to face the monster I've become.
Instead I let my tears destroy my face
And I think about all my failures.
I let myself get fat.
I ate too much.
I didn't exercise enough.
I have no self-control.
I failed my classes.
I am too quiet.
I lost my friends.
I lost my family.
Fuck it,
I lost myself.
But I didn't lose myself enough to disappear into thin air.
You can still see me,
I'm not thin enough.
I need to stop eating.