A Letter Of Last Year
Dear Doubtful Loved Ones,
My mental illness is not a product
Of failed relationships.
My mental illness is not a result
Of someone not loving me.
My mental illness is not based
On what others think I'm worth.
My mental illness is derived from who I am-
Who I was meant to be.
I am so much stronger than I was before-
I can climb mountains when I used to struggle up hills.
I can run miles when I used to lose breath walking inches.
I can stand tall when I used to crouch in unpleasant spaces.
I am nothing like I was before.
But I still have the mind I was given.
The chemistry,
The soul,
The brain.
I still have to overcome each obstacle
That comes my way.
And they come.
They come every day.
I live with anxiety.
In fear of what isn't there.
A life that I wish on no one.
A life I've come to know.
I live with little confidence.
Although I know my worth.
It's a life I wish on no one.
A life I've come to know.
I live with self-inflicted scars on my arm,
And though I no longer hide them,
It’s a life I wish on no one.
A life I’ve come to know.
I live with all my demons.
Mine, far worse than some.
Baggage I wish on no one.
But baggage I've come to know.
And even though I claim these traits,
I no longer let them control.
I have power over myself,
And I know I can grow.
The ones who constantly doubt me,
The ones I'm supposed to know best,
Even they can't stop me.
Even they can't crush me.
Even they can't belittle me.
I am now a warrior,
And if you couldn't tell,
I'm fighting the battle of a lifetime,
And I'm winning,
So go to hell.
Sincerely Yours,
Lisa.