Lost Teenage Love Note

  I looked at her and she looked at me. I said some sappy nonsense in hopes that it would stick in her mind and make her think of me later. Then maybe she would laugh and realize that she still wanted us to be together, and she'd call me on the phone, tell me how much she loved me and tell me to come over and we'd kiss and it'd be fine again. But that didn't happen. We kissed and she turned around, I walked off and looked back to watch her walk in her house. I got in my car to drive through my same old town to my same old house. The drive to her house is only 8 minutes away. And every I drive to go pick her up I have butterflies for 8 minutes the whole ride until she gets in the car and smiles or frowns. But I don't think she'll ever be getting in my car again. I thought I would be more heartbroken but I wasn't. I had done this to myself , I had realized my wrong and I accepted it. You can only ask so much from someone before they realize they can't do it anymore and that's what this situation had turned into. Two people who were deeply in love with each other and wanted each other but one had had enough of the others broken promises. And maybe the other was done too. It ended because it needed to. But it was the type of relationship that you can pick back up at any moment besides all of the heart break and hurt and still feel the love radiating off your chest when she touched you. But I don't think she wanted that. and maybe it will come back because it needed to.Maybe when we're older we'll try again , maybe after we've both grown and tried again with someone else but who knows. Maybe in a coffee shop, or in a grocery store with your new boyfriend. I'll look at you and you'll recognize me and smile. I'd approach you and talk to you regardless of who you were with and ask you if you're free. You'll look at him, at the ground , and back to me and say yes. We would make plans to stay in and watch movies like we use to and the night would unfold from there as we kissed and you turned off your phone because tom was calling. But that's just a thought. I kissed her that night and I felt everything run through my veins and my body. It was bliss. it was simple and yet heart throbbing at the same time. Because her lips represented something I guess. It represented the love, the fear, the regret, the sorrow, and the Mercy we had for each other and those lips were a blessing. Her eyes screamed something that I couldn't understand or unravel, I wish she would have told me what was really on her mind but instead she cried. For good reason, we had to end because I had failed to do what I promised and we could had been so much more than that, you know? We could had been so much more than good, true teenage love gone to waste. But I was only an 18 year old boy with a broken past. I had failed at the one thing that I knew was true in my life, so she was crying for both of us in a way. The water fell from the sky and fell from her eyes and she didn't know it but as she cried her tears filled the oceans , rivers and mountain streams. And for a moment I thought it was beautiful and then it ripped my heart again as she held on to me tighter and kissed me deeper. Deeper than the oceans or space itself. A type of kiss you could never forget. We kissed and I felt her tears on my cheek and I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch myself , I wanted to despair from the earth because I didn't even deserve to be in her presents, I didn't deserve her love or her warmth and patience and she gave it to me anyways. That's godly to me and I missed my shot.But she cried. I tried not to so i tried my best to make her laugh and she did. And the sound of her laugh made me want to cry. Because like how perfect, how god damn perfect. I traced my hands all of her body and feeling nothing but love through my finger tips. I don't think she noticed, but her eyes said otherwise. She told me she wanted me to take her home with her. I wanted to. I could ran away with her at the moment right then and there but I felt like she didn't want that either. I didn't know what she wanted and that made me anxious. It was like standing in front of god and him asking you for something and you feeling speechless and blank because you have no idea what to give something so inhuman but perfect. She's so inhuman and perfect. It's like she's not even real. She doesn't feel real, she feels celestial. I know that sounds stupid but I swear on god that's how she feels to me. Godly, almighty, divine, heavenly, eternal. All in one girl. In one blue eyed, wild hearted, over dramatic, girl. I can't forgive myself for a lot of things but losing her. Fuck I'll never let that go. I'll never let her go. At best I hope we stay friends. Just so I can watch her grow into the beautiful women that she's bound to be. At Least I'll see it as a friend. Maybe not as her man but I'll take whatever I can get. But I'll always be hers. My heart forever belongs to her. And maybe one day she'll need it again. And next time I'll be the stronger more god fearing man that she needs. we're texting right now and I want so bad for her to tell me that she wants me and only me and that she misses me and loves me and needs me. I know it won't Happen but a guy can dream , right ? I guess. But she Someone who's angry will never get  in the way of how he loves her. She needs a man who will fight for anything and will fight as hard as he can but knows when to turn around and get on his knees and ask for her guidance and support. Someone who's willing to talk things out when problems start and who will remind her of how much of a princess she is everyday and who will love her unconditionally and see her like I do. I need whoever is next to see her like I do, to look at her and understand or at least know what I feel. So that he loves her with the right mind and heart. She needs that. And I can't tell you how much I want to be that man. I know what I need to do to get there. I'm just scared that if I get there it'll be too late you know? I'm scared I still won't be enough but i'll be damned if I don't try at least. I just wish it wasn't too late to ask for her help as my girlfriend. I don't know.. it's just what I'm thinking. I'm just writing a a note to no one anyways.

This poem is about: 
Me

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