Mother (in the context of a verb) - to bring up a child with care and affection.

Mother who only exists within my dreams, who can be found cooking, cleaning or brushing my hair, beaming with joy.

Mother who has bright white teeth with hair so long it brushes her feet. Or perhaps with realistic teeth and hair that coils and bounces like...

Like those "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em" robots that wound up their arms before they punched.. that could explain why my mother would wind up her arms before she punched, why she told me her love was a punch and proved it.. many times.

Mom who showed me how to brush my teeth and not eat for weeks. She was beautiful to me. Despite being size 0, she could not believe she was small enough so she changed me. And I remember so clearly her forcing me to brush my teeth, pushing back my toothbrush until I gagged and threw up everything that was me.

My mother was beautiful in my eyes, she just could not say the same for me. I wasn't the skeleton she hoped for me to be.

Momma who was raped and let me to face molestation as if it was okay.

Mommy, save me!

Mommy please don't let him touch me!

But all she could say was that crying won't heal the pain nor erase the memories.

Ma who cried when I begged for her to eat. I promised her that she'd still be pretty and daddy would love her, but she told me that pretty girls could not eat.

Woman who went crazy, in love with a man whose punch surpassed her own, who showed her rape could be her best friend and taught her I was nothing.

Person who left daddy and me on the streets, who didn't let me see my siblings for weeks.. months... years.

Stranger who didn't raise me past my sixth birthday and didn't see me bloom into Regine.

But yet:

I call you my mother whom I love deeply, the woman I would hug for eternity if given the chance.

Mommy, it's me... Please don't leave. For I can reteach you everything you taught me.