In my life, thus far, I have loved five people; Who, What, When, Where and Why.

Who I loved was a boy so unexpected I never saw him coming. He walked into my life and, sort of, just stuck around. We were always able to be childish and understood when the other needed to be serious. We may have sprinted in the beginning but we’ve lasted through a lot of obstacles. He was the funny boy, with the bright eyes and big cheesy smile. He embodied a sort of youth in him that made me feel as young as I did at heart. Sometimes I think that was what I needed most. I never understood what made him drawn to me, but most of the time I couldn’t find a reason to complain. We were young and in love, living as much as we could, if only the nights didn’t have to end.

What I loved was my first great love. He was everything I tried to make him out to be; he was creative and romantic. He understood me in ways I didn’t think people could. When we first got together everyone we told breathed a sigh of relief, because apparently everyone was just waiting for it to happen. What I loved most about our relationship was we always felt like we were meant to be. If only we had turned out to be the people we made each other out to be.

When I loved was my first boyfriend in middle school. We were still kids and we’ve never really kissed another person before. There was a sort of nostalgia in our time together; going to the movies for your first date, your first dance, the first person you ever wrote love letters to. Those sorts of things could never be replicated, because they were the first. They are what taught you the meaning of those things, introduced you to the times you would cry and smile all at the same time. But time moves on, and sometimes it moves on without us.

Where I loved was a boy I met in the music room. I would sit there long after my mother called me to head home because I was so entranced. I liked to watch him pluck the strings and glance at me every now and then. There was a connection there that never broke, but sadly, never given the chance. It wasn’t either of our faults; but I’ve come to realize you can’t always stay in the place.

Why I loved was a girl I met growing up, who was afraid that no one would ever care about her as much as fairy tales made her believe love would be like. She was young and already had so much hurt inside of her, and it made me want to take care of her. Through the time I spent with her, I began to realize all those breaths that we took, the most important ones are the ones we wasted doing something for someone else. And though the fairy tales may have lied to us, she taught me that the reality is so much better. Now she’s off somewhere in the world and I don’t know where, but if she’s feeling anything close to how I feel- she doesn’t regret a thing.

I hope one day I can use the lessons I’ve learned, use the time I have left, what I’ve seen and felt to share the rest of my heart with someone who can be all of those things to me. I hope I can find that person who will surprise me time after time, the person who I believe will be there in my heart longer than we may have anticipated. Perhaps there will be a person who will be the reflection of love I have in an old age, the arms I treat as a place I can find myself never want to leave. I’m hoping I can find that person who will give me an entire new reason to love. I want to find my last love.

*Disclaimer: Inspired by The Last by Wong Fu Productions