ocean

Location

You must love to watch me cry
because since the beginning
that’s all you have caused me,
tears and breathless sobs
and i sit here as these big drops
of sadness and despair
crash like waves onto my face
and wonder if maybe,
maybe one day all my cries 
will pay off and we can 
swim forever in an ocean of feelings.

Comments

soniawrites

Thank you QV (:

Jesus is my King

Be careful of the "Oh Miserable Me" pitfall.  It is very easy to write about yourself as so depressed and sad that the whole poem is just one long, selfish tear jerker.  You are a good writer and you didn't seem to fall to much into this pitfall with this poem. I'm just saying that you might want to watch out.  Any professor who knows poetry can dock you points for that.  (I didn't make up the pitfall. :)

You have troubles here on this earth, but you need help for your soul as well.  The truth is you are a sinner and you are under God's wrath.  I am also a sinner, and so is everyone else on this planet.  God's wrath is upn us, and He will send us all to hell for our sins.  But, becasue God loves us, He sent His only Son Jesus to die on the cross and take our punishment.  If we simply put our faith in Jesus, repenting of all the sins we've done and accepting His death as our substitution, God will save us.  He can save you as well, and though life might not get easier, God will send you His Holy Spirit to live inside you and guide you all your life; and He will grant you eternal life in Heaven, which is above comparison to this harsh and sinful life.  Read the Bible to find out more of what God says about salvation and about the Christian life. 

John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."

Thanks for reading.  :)

soniawrites

I honestly don't care for points. I'm not writing for a professor, I'm writing for myself. If i want to write a "long, selfish tear jerker" than that is what I'll write. Thank you for your feedback.

And also, I'm Hindu.

Pascal1331


I really like it! It's short and sweet and the fact that the ending doesn't match with the rest of the rhyme scheme makes it seem unfinished like your trailing off, looking in the distance, and losing yourself in your thoughts.

Nice job!

teeyawnuh13

Yes! I'm the same way. Some times I read my work and wonder if I sound like I'm whining too much. But then I think, if I can't whine in my work, where else can I whine?! Keep it up, sounds great.

melanielexi

Absolutely beautiful!! I love the details you have put into it. It's like I can actually see your face. But I'll wipe away your tears love. Even though I don't know you... Lol

littlefire

What beathing sounds like. :)

Angelwith1wing

This is so relateable. I went through this so many times with friends, family, and a pretty bad ex. Sometimes we strive to make those around us love the way we do, when really they never really deserve that love. I'm not saying to give up on fighting for people but to share ones heart wisely. You are an amazing poet and you really will move those who truly care about you to swim in many oceans of love with you. True friends cry with their friends and don't leave you to carry the friendship or relationship by yourself. You deserve amazing people to carry your dreams with. I love this poem and the flow of it (just like a wavey ocean ^_^). God bless you and your amazing talent that has brought me so much inspiration. Can't wait to read what you have next. Keep writing on my friend :) !!!

kraykray

I really loved the ending. :)