Although most people say I have “perfect skin”, I fear the stares of seclusion as my complexion seems to hang overhead like a curse, rather than a culture. It was not until I became immersed into a culture populated by lack of diversity, that I realized my fears of isolation. Europe- both the country and its culture- an environment I feel is too pristine and uptight for my toned skin. The unease was just as consistent as the blood flowing through my veins, but now it has emerged. Friends the color of freedom would urge me to relax and enjoy being different, but I refused, afraid that doomed skin tone would betray me and unleash a world of suffering.

I dream of living without worry of my skin color, but hatred and history tells me that will not occur any time soon, perhaps not even in my lifetime. Held back by the heritage that encompasses me, knowledge of people of color being harassed, lives cut short, stopped me from fully embracing my nationality. Ancestors being abused in the great outdoors blended with the recollections of Smith’s men attempting to take our land which they believed was rightfully theirs forces me to surround myself with Mother Willow and the oak trees. The uneasiness and fear of being exposed still exists today, dragging behind me like chains. Love of John Smith cannot outweigh my love for myself. The love for my skin, my background, my identity.

 If this destruction occurred to others of color, who is to say the same violence wouldn’t happen to me? So I keep my skin covered, revealing as little of myself to the public as possible. The second I muster up enough courage to venture out on my own, the stares only grew and I can’t help but question “Is it because I am colored?” I drug my head as I ventured on, questioning myself, reassured my ivory-skinned lover. I could faintly see my hope slowly escaping, riding atop the wind currents as they blow through my coarse, black and unappreciated hair.

Observant before, but never participating, I decided to connect back to the rich earth that I originated from by beginning to love myself, my heritage, and all aspects that define me. The confidence just discovered had cleansed my mind, as the prominence of the past was lessened, the light of the future as bright as the rays from the sun as it beats down on my glowing skin. I felt my freedom begin to flourish inside me, as I transitioned from the quiet shadows, into the heart of the world. I no longer feel the need to lighten my skin, but my return to the earth I was born from reincarnates my broken soul. My soul was once betrayed by my yearning to fit in, but was quickly mended when the warm soil stuck beneath my feet.