All you’ve had to eat for the past 2 days are your own fingernails Skinny girls hip bone wishes You want to be skinny Skinny means pretty Skinny means wanted Skinny means loved Skinny is only a fantasy for you, hoping, praying to lose that 20 pounds 30 pounds 40 pounds 50 pounds Until you are nothing but a whisper in the breeze You’ve always been a smart girl but you find yourself checking how many calories are in toothPaste You’ve gotten used to the feeling of fingers down your throat Because that boy in the fourth grade, he told you, you were disgusting Here you are almost 4 years later thinking he was right One boy changed you completely One kill yourself One you’re fat One You’re not wanted and the little girl who used to be happy to wake up and smiled at herself in the mirror, Is now covered in scars the fourth grade boy left her with That boy, you bet yourself his life today is perfect While yours is broken and cracked Yet you thank him You thank him for showing you who you really are Because now that little girl is gone All that’s left is her memory You have been pushed so far the feeling of a razor digging into your wrist has become the new norm The scars cutting vertically and horizontally leave you contemplating life itself The blades you dig, The buildings you stand on, The pills you want to swallow They give you control Notifying you that you have the ability to Dig deeper, Swallow, Jump, and end what you think is a pathetic excuse for a life. You tell yourself in little whispers, there is no hope just let go But you can’t let go because they tell you “We love you don’t give up” But what’s wrong with giving up? “It’s a sign of weakness” “It’s begging for attention” “It’s the simple way out” Because the one thing people can not seem to fathom is suicide “Why?” People will ask in whispers the day they found out you jumped “Why not?” The people who knew you will respond “She was unhappy” “ she hated herself.” “She thought that it’d be better to be dead than to be alive and unhappy,” “But let’s not get selfish” “She didn’t do this for you” “She didn’t give in “ It’s okay to give up. Because now you’re skinny Now you’re pretty Now you’re worth it But people are left with the burden of ‘thinking’ it was their fault They will sit in front of a camera and upload fake truths These pretty little liars Instead of allowing this lesson to be learned They think it’s about them They’ll open their mouths and say things so absurd “They were my best friend” You didn’t know me “They always made me laugh” You used to bully me “I didn’t see it coming” I told you i wanted to die “ I knew and i didn’t do anything” No you didn’t i asked Pleaded for help but you just shoved me aside. Fine is a term used by people today Those of us who suffer from depression Anxiety Anorexia Bullimia It is a sheild of what we really mean. Fine means Don’t touch my wrist its raw skin bleeding all over it’s bandage I haven’t gotten any sleep in days I haven’t eaten a full meal in over a month I just threw up my entire lunch Fine does not pass Society is nothing but a bunch of bloodthirsty pack hounds