Smart Kid

I'm a smart kid.I can tell you all the lobes of the brain,
but I can't figure out how to fix mine.
I can identify all the ventricles of the heart,
but mine still twists in illogical ways.
I am the tree that fell in the forest;
all alone, no one to hear me.

When you never had trouble learning in middle school, 
the AP classes quickly teach you that you're screwed.
Take the bench drill and permanently seal my eyes shut.
When you never learned how to study,
the bad grades pile up like bolts in my drop out dad's toolshed.

My thighs are covered in scars
left by the papercuts of my textbooks,
and my back to school supplies list includes a bottle of Zoloft.
"But you always get A's!"
A stands for anxiety that keeps me up at night until my eyes are black holes,
A stands for anger that perpetually burns in my hollow chest,
A stands for an accidental sob story that ends far too soon.

I'm not allowed to feel as if I'm drowning in papers 
because I get 90 percents,
but my 90 percents dont magically allow my lungs 
to breathe in this ocean,
my oxygen tanks ran out freshman year.
My 90 percents aren't life rafts,
they're anchors.
My head is below sea level,
but my grades are at an A level
because a C is failing in the eyes of my anxiety.

Standardized tests don't take into account
that in order to make adequate scores,
I didn't get to be a kid.
I was robbed of my childhood,
my youth was stolen,
breaking and entering into a kid's mind is standard practice.
The alphabet soup of tests I took gave me food poisoning.
ACT, SAT, CRT, EOI, ABCDEFG,
These exams are killing me.

Break my bones, twist my neck,
I'd rather hear the crunching sounds my body makes
when it's in distress,
I'd rather see blood flow from my wounds than earn a B, but hey,
I'm a smart kid.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I can't do this.

This poem is about: 
Me
My country
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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