Warrior

She carries out two lives;
One for the public
And one for herself
Late at night

Switch on
The warm rays of the sun gently cuddles her
"You are a warrior"
She repeats as she readies herself for yet another day
"You are a warrior"
She says as she reminisces about last night
She trudges down the path that leads her to a yellow meadow
Only here, the grasses are replaced with yellow buildings
"You are a warrior"
She says as she steps into the meadow
A big smile plastered on her face
"You are a warrior"
She says to herself as she laughs her way through the day
Even when all she wants to do is cry
Often she catches herself spacing out
Others notice it too
"Are you okay? "
"I'm fine."
It's easier this way.
It's easier not to explain your problem to the people
And that's the problem
" You are a warrior"
She says as she gets into her bed
Exhaustion creeping through her
"You are a warrior"
She says as she closes her eyes for the day

Switch off
What was once a toasty surface
Now feels cold and hard
She twists and turns
Waiting for the sleep to consume her
"You are a warrior "
She says as she feels an invisible force dragging her deeper and deeper into darkness
Her skin feels sticky
Her body numb
"You are a warrior"
She shouts; hoping that it'll keep her strong enough
Hot liquid pours down her face
Her breathing escalates
"I am not a warrior "
Her whimpers turn to sobbing
Her sobbing to cries
"I am not a warrior"
She whispers as her mind now gains control over her body
"Breathe "
"Distract your mind"
"Think happy thoughts"
She tries. She TRIES.
But this invisible weight placed upon her is suffocating her
She's drowning;
Drowning in her own pool of tears
"I am not a warrior "
She lost. Her mind won.
She is now a puppet;
A puppet of her mind which is laughing down at her
Reminding her of how worthless she is
Reminding her of how flawed she is
She forgets how to breathe
She is gasping for air; screaming for help
The devil is enjoying this
He is enjoying seeing her in pain
He shows her no mercy
Desperation.
A blade appears with a devilish smile
"USE ME"
Desperation.
She needs relief
She needs relief from this pain
"USE ME!"
She cuts herself.
Once.
Twice.
Thrice.
Her breathing is ragged
Arms covered in blood
Silence.
She feels her warm blood dripping down her arm
Silence.
Her mind is finally mute
Silence.
She is back in her bed
Silence.
She finally falls asleep
Silence.

Switch on

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