What's Your Name
I met you at the age of fourteen
I was confused by your presence and being
You came to me at my most vulnerable
When my will was depleting
Able to morph face and bodies
I could never predict when I would see you
The thought of trying to out run you soon left
All thoughts of escaping you were feeble
But you didn’t come to bully me
Instead you left sweet nothing in my ear
I wish I’d have known at that age
That every word you told me was something I should fear
Tempt me with your sweet word
With poison underneath everything
Tell me never to trust anyone
Tell me to mistrust anything
Help me push away my family and friends
You never did like to share
“Why be around them when you have me?”
Always acting like you cared
You followed me all throughout highschool
Always making your existence felt known
“I’ll stay with you every step of the way
From the time you’re young, to the day you’re grown”
I didn’t understand it at first
I just couldn’t figure you out
You made me want to ball up and cry
You made me want to scream and shot
Whenever I felt like I wanted to end it
You suddenly could never be found
You were there to condescend my ups
But always made an exit when I was down
And then one day, I skipped school
Finally capped out by my depression
A mix of self loathing and hatred
Fed up from all the social neglection
My brother had just been prescribed a lot of pills
I turned my eye upon the bottle
Grab me a soda from the fridge
My mind was working at full throttle
As I put a pill to my mouth
I noticed you weren’t here
I thought about it long and hard
Maybe you’re disappearances weren’t so weird
You always brought me down when I was happy
And when I needed to talk to you most you’d leave
I put the pills back down on the counter
I had grown accustomed to the need
It all made sense now!
No longer did I misunderstand your guide
You had been leading me to a trap
Hadn’t you my dear suicide