Why
Pain, gaping hole in my chest, torture,
All consuming, obtaining me
Screaming, dying, depressed unchecked
With my clenched fist, white knuckles
Gasping
Why God Why?
Bloodied nails, drowning, no light in sight
I am in a deep well treading water clawing the stone sides trying to climb out
But I am told there is no way out
Screaming
Why God Why?
I am drowning in sorrows, turn to drink, turn to unGodly boys
The pain it hurts, scars on my heart
In a black room, my tomb
Emptiness
Why God why?
Life cycling downward
Sickness, unhealing body, growing weak
Kept that fake smile, no one will see
Kept those fake friends, so I feel like I a relevant
Loneliness
Why God Why?
I placed him on a shelf, blocked him out
Still finding relationships with all the wrong guys
Trying to fill that hole only Jesus can fix
And still I scream
Why God Why?
Big fights no end in sight, but there is an end
A stranger whispers, end of me just take take drink with a few of those white releases
I can’t fight this any more, depressed
Death
Why God Why?
But then for first time I call out with a recklessness
Save me from this pain I can’t do it without out you
Hope and Change, new places and faces
I blamed God for all me choices and things that happened
Claiming he was never there
But he was always there,
He was there in front of me reaching out. Crying out.
Trying to place me back under His protection and I rejected Him.
I blamed God when I should have blamed the world
The world hurt me, the enemy controls the worldly things, distracting us
Lying to us
God never lied to me he gave a book full of his love and promises,
He gave me his Son so the sins no longer stain my white wedding dress
There Jesus stood eye to eye, with only love in those eyes
Never looking down on me, the world had it wrong.
His Grace, His Love. His Glory
And he asked “Will You follow me? “
“Yes, Yes, YES!” My Soul revived,
New heart with no scars beating violently in my chest
For I found no emptiness with my King
Relationship of a strong devotion.
Happiness, Healing, accountability, never abandoned
Love, a path of new beginnings. Amen