It would be outrageous for me to say anything has shaped me this year more intensely

Than my own grand failures caused by my need for outside approval.

 

A year ago, I wouldn’t have been willing to admit that.

A year ago, I would be trying to impress whoever was reading this.

A year ago, it wouldn’t cross my mind to say what was actually going through it.

 

I’d try saying what they’d want to hear

Rather than telling them what I actually think.

It took me time to realize that telling people what they want to hear

And doing things to impress people

Doesn’t breed success.

It doesn’t bring happiness.

It doesn’t lead to a better life.

You can’t slide through life appealing to people

By being someone you’re not.

 

A year ago, I was a pharmacy major.

A year ago, I bought a whole new wardrobe based on the latest trends.

A year ago, I laughed at jokes that weren’t funny.

 

I bopped my head to music I didn’t like.

I studied for 8 hours straight, just to brag about it later.

I posted pictures for the purpose of getting likes and comments.

11 likes isn’t enough, take better pictures.

No one complimented this new jacket, I shouldn’t have bought it.

Don’t talk about Doctor Who, no one watches that.

 

A year later, I don’t know what my major is

A year later, I no longer hesitate to give my honest opinion

A year later, I don’t care to brag or show-off anything

 

It didn’t matter how long I studied if I still failed the test.

It didn’t matter how many likes I got if I didn’t even know half the people liking it.

It didn’t matter how many friends I had if I pretended to be someone I wasn’t,

I was never going to be happy if I was pretending to be someone I’m not.

 

A year ago, I wasn’t happy.

A year later, I am unapologetically me and indescribably happy.