"You Are Your Own Worst Critic."
Dear self-esteem,
It’s come to my attention,
I can no longer deny it,
that you’ve been too mean
Too long
You’ve been my own personal bully
Wickeder than any snot nose
Could ever dream to be
How couldn’t I’ve seen it before?
Oh right
You clawed my eyes out
Denying me from really seeing
The misery leaking out of from my soul
Into the heavy, heavy bags
Sagging under my eyes
You devoured my heart
Leaving me unable to love
Myself, my family, my friends
The one who didn’t
Couldn’t tell what they had
Until it was gone
So lonely and empty
I was sure I felt
You drowned my ears
Refusing them rest with
Your relentless disgust of imperfection
Distracting me from
The littlest accomplishments
Of mustering motivation to choose
To endure another day
Those never-enoughs bred
Unjust guilt
You stripped my vocal chords
Silencing any admissions of
The sickness building up in my gut
Unable to express the
“I’m-not-fine”s whose
Only purpose is to
Alert of danger
And you, you bastard
You shredded up my mind
Scattering any attempts
To find sensibility and logic
Meant to challenge
Your distorted perceptions
An unfair upper hand impossible
To overcome alone
It’s funny how
One little phase I was
No stranger to
Could reveal your
True, self-destructive nature
Everyone had known my suffering
Well before I could articulate it
Recognize its damaged done
Coach had said it like it was commonplace:
“You are your own worst critic,”
And I wept
In dark, on the way home,
With my hood to shield the outside world
Having to delve into my own conscience
My thoughts were swirling
The whys, the hows, the what nexts
Emotions surfacing with such force
That I promised myself change
You’ve committed unspeakable
Crimes against me
All arguably unforgivable
But
I’ve always believed
In rehabilitation
Over punishment
to bring peace
You are going
To love me, appreciate me
Someday
Little by little
Healing with justice
For my eyes
My heart,
My ears,
My vocal chords,
My mind
Nurturing the person
I am now
Not who I want to be
Sincerely,
Yours truly,
Love,
Me