‘’White paint, invisible’’

Surrounded by laughs and smiles
While I just listen
Only my ears are open
Sealed lips shut
Words can’t be spoken
I understand
This is who I am
I say what they want to hear

I often appear indifferent and quiet
Never aggressive, but indecisive
Can’t decide this or that
Closing my eyes
To face the facts
That I don’t belong
Going forward with no direction
While everyone gets attention

So bland. So scared to stand out
Born as a passive follower. Not a natural leader
They can dance and sing
I can’t do either
I have feet that can walk
A mouth that could talk
Maybe I can be like them
If I take that shot

Sometimes it’s hard to describe me
As nice or painfully shy
I am colorful and wonderful
We know that’s a lie
Beauty is what’s on the inside
For everyone to see
Go for it. Be Bright. Be you.
If I only believed.

I can’t reveal my mysterious colors
I have no appeal or attraction
I’m into the habit of reading
It’s my only attachment
Just unacceptance and less interaction
Just be you
The world is full of blissful people
Who I look up to

Who have no shame and distress
Going  towards fame and success
I’m only a blank  canvas
A chick in a hard-shelled egg
A shadow
Trying to direct towards light
The brightness everyone has within
A sight for happiness and positive spirits

How easy life would be if I traveled back through time
As a single-minded child
In a world of laughs and smiles
No regrets or wrong decisions
Finally found me
In the right position
The light is still in the dark somewhere
I just need to keep searching

I want to take off my mask
Letting go of my past
My body was fragile like glass
I was changing too fast
Legs too weak for Gym class
Doctors say these days may be my last
What hurts the most is
I’ve coped with it for so long

What’s keeping me from pulling back the curtain
Is fearing how people will view me
Out of my box and into reality
If I’m an outcast or a Somebody
Hatching the egg to begin a new transformation
Picking up the brush to paint a new creation
Beauty
My body’s new fascination

People look at me
But I have always felt so uncertain
Hiding behind my own curtain
I among the stage being watched
An unordinary girl
Ready to be represented
Who can speak perfectly
For the world to listen

This poem is about: 
Me

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