“Painted”

By Jennaveve Johnston

My mask is painted bright,

It shines until night.

At times it seems to fade away,

And you can see me in the light of day.

I’m not the girl who I pretend to be.

Calm, cool, collected just isn’t me.

I struggle to get up every morn.

Inside my happiness is torn.

I do not know when I got this way,

When my smile faded away.

I like to think there is nothing wrong.

“I’m fine” is my song.

Those who know me well,

Even they struggle to tell,

The good days and the bad,

How much it hurts to be this sad.

How much I struggle every day,

How much I struggle in every way.

I have depression, you may know,

A curse like the winter snow.

A demon tears me apart inside,

I try to forget when I last cried.

In the shower, on the stairs,

Hiding my tears with my hairs.

I fear the world and what may come,

My heart is beating like a drum.

Anxiety crushes my very core,

I can’t help but curl up on the floor.

I am not the girl you see.

I am her, but she’s not me.