4 PM

Honestly, I have never consciously though of who I am writing for.

I think it is always for different people.

I try not to go back and read what I write.

It almost feels as if I am invading someone's privacy.

I am a different person everyday, shaped by what is happening around me.

And inside of me.

Sometimes I feel scared and embarassed when I read what 15-year old Katelyn wrote. 

But it's me.

i write for all of the different people I have been and will become.

 

I have days where I am so optimistic, that I feel as if no one could ever make me doubt myself.

On those days, I write for the Katelyn who will feel defeated and needs to remember the optimistic Katelyn she used to be and can still be. 

I am my own comforter.

 

When someone hurts me, I write.

I start out writing because I am confused and I need to get my feelings sorted out.

Once they are down on paper, I am no longer angry.

I feel an overwhelming sense of peace.

I forgive, and I move on.

I am my own therapist.

 

There are some days that I feel like I don't need to forget.

Good and bad, some moments just need to be remembered.

I feel as if, later down the road, I need to reflect on them.

I write so that I won't forget.

 

I often find myself writing arounf 4 PM.

Why?

Because that's when the empty feeling comes.

Not everyone feels it, but for those who do, they know exactly what I am talking about.

This is the time I do not write for myself.

I write hoping that someone who feels empty stumbles upon this writing.

I write to let them know that they are not alone.

It's okay to feel that way sometimes.

It is a feeling that doesn't pass with writing.

I can not write it down, because I simply do not know what it is.

That feeling only passes with time.

But it will pass.

And you are not alone.

 

 

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