Absent Fathers

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:45 -- Raycizm

Location

Dear Absent Fathers

I waited for you in the windowsill 

Elbows bruised purple from holding my hopes up but you never pulled into the driveway to save me

and

Headlights flashed past just to laugh at me for believing you'd be there like you said but alas 

Here I stand

Empty Promise and a packed bag to be honest pops

I never really could understand

What exactly is in a man?

What's in the smile of a liar and how many tears fill up an ocean to be frank I'm starting to not belive the things you say anymore.

But the things you said still ring in my ears like the last shot you made me take on the basketball court

I think its safe to say I'm not going to be in the NBA

I'm sorry if that's disapointing 

Instead, I spend my time making a mockery of emotion and jogging through thoughts to talk about footsteps I never walked through but you...

You don't understand what you've missed

Fresh prince on the outside but inside, I'm Will Smith staring down an Uncle Phil watching you leave again screaming

I got through puberty without him!

I got through Highschool without him!

I wrote my first poem without him and i got pretty damn good at it too, didnt I?

Out here trying to fend for myself like when pigions fly 

these ribbons tied tight around my heart say you're forgiven

and thats great!

But dont ecquate my success with your last name cause' I got it

I just know there's some things you can't change 

I'm okay, and I miss you, but I mean I look like you in every way so I guess you cant really miss someone you see every day in the mirror 

You were my hero

That fell from the sky in flight but if you died tonight I know I'd still die inside

Where are you?!..

Can you hear me calling?

Did you talk to Grandma?

Did she tell you she saw me? I'm grown now, she said I look so tall and she looked at me like she wanted to take my childhood too the park...

Sincerely, the kid still in the windowsill 

To every sone without a father

To every father without a son, like authors without a pen

You are nothing without the marks you make.

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