Abuse
Location
My heart is pounding
And the sound of those words
Brings back the rounds of bashing and screaming…
Those lashings red like the blazing
Pain;
From all those times I held my tongue…
Well guess what? You’ve won.
Because I’m on my knees and begging…please
Let me be
So I can be instead of exist
Not just some marionette, but a person
And the sound of those words
Is a bullet through my heart—
My heart that is pounding
Like the buttons I press furiously
As I type to get the words out
Those words black like the begging
As I am reduced to a common criminal,
Pain.
As I swim in the silence that is louder than the rumbling of your drumming fingers and foot taps and doors slamming that creates the soundtrack of my sleep,
But faster and faster
My heart is drowning
Under the salt from my eyes that makes my skin sting
And smell like the words
The words that you label me with…
Pain
Screams my head as it throbs
As you rob me
And my smile subsides as my lips whisper why
But my heart is stuttering--
Pain.
I am your daughter and I cannot comprehend
Why you do not want me to stand
And I crave to demand that you explain,
Pain.
Pain is the lines in my brow
As I keel over and bow
To those lies that you disavow to pounding into my
Mind with resounding force
Those words, all of those words
That reduce me to nothing
And my heart it is pounding and crying and lashing and bashing and screaming and
Breaking.
Pain.
I work harder and harder
But your words, they grow sharper
And my future grows darker
And the edges seem to weaken
And an ardor to prove you wrong steeps in the paradox of time
For perhaps in another dimension mine
Would be alright
And I could lose sight of the
Pain.
My heart is pounding
With the love you do not give
And the support I will not live to receive
From you.
Pain,
Is the lack of care
As I dare to dream and reach and be
Pounding and bashing and cringing…
Pain
I am slain
Because for you—
My parents—
No matter what I do
I will never be enough.
You have hung my tongue
But through the yellow that is the festering bluff
Tell me…
When will I be enough?
My heart is pounding
And the only feeling resounding is
Pain.