Abuse

Location

My heart is pounding

And the sound of those words

Brings back the rounds of bashing and screaming…

Those lashings red like the blazing

Pain;

From all those times I held my tongue…

Well guess what? You’ve won.

Because I’m on my knees and begging…please

Let me be

So I can be instead of exist

Not just some marionette, but a person

And the sound of those words

Is a bullet through my heart—

My heart that is pounding

Like the buttons I press furiously

As I type to get the words out

Those words black like the begging

As I am reduced to a common criminal,

Pain.

As I swim in the silence that is louder than the rumbling of your drumming fingers and foot taps and doors slamming that creates the soundtrack of my sleep,

But faster and faster

My heart is drowning

Under the salt from my eyes that makes my skin sting

And smell like the words

The words that you label me with…

Pain

Screams my head as it throbs

As you rob me

And my smile subsides as my lips whisper why

But my heart is stuttering--

Pain.

I am your daughter and I cannot comprehend

Why you do not want me to stand

And I crave to demand that you explain,

Pain.

Pain is the lines in my brow

As I keel over and bow

To those lies that you disavow to pounding into my

Mind with resounding force

Those words, all of those words

That reduce me to nothing

And my heart it is pounding and crying and lashing and bashing and screaming and

Breaking.

Pain.

I work harder and harder

But your words, they grow sharper

And my future grows darker

And the edges seem to weaken

And an ardor to prove you wrong steeps in the paradox of time

For perhaps in another dimension mine

Would be alright

And I could lose sight of the

Pain.

My heart is pounding

With the love you do not give

And the support I will not live to receive

From you.

Pain,

Is the lack of care

As I dare to dream and reach and be

Pounding and bashing and cringing…

Pain

I am slain

Because for you—

My parents—

No matter what I do

I will never be enough.

You have hung my tongue

But through the yellow that is the festering bluff

 Tell me…

When will I be enough?

My heart is pounding

And the only feeling resounding is

Pain.

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