Abuse and Pain

When I am sad

I think of everything bad

When life doesn't go the way I want it to

I try not to become blue


Sometimes I am as sad as a cat that isn't fed

Sometimes I feel like I should be dead

If problems get worse

Don't try to rehearse


Life won't give you much happiness

So try to keep away sassiness

Life can be painful

So I don't try to look to beautiful


Life can mess with your brain

So be careful what you gain

Be careful what you say

Because it will never go away


I hate having to hold a lot of pressure

Because then I have to measure

It's hard not to be a demon

Instead I figure I should be redeemin'


If life hands you some gifts

Try not to fall into the drifts

Life is full of surprises

So try to stay away from the rises


If I try to fight my fears

I might as well fight bears

I hate to fight

So I need to try not to bite

And I need to try to come to the light


Sometimes I pray

To hope things go away

Sometimes I cry

Because then I can give out a big sigh


Sometimes I wish I had no head

Because then I would be dead

I feel like jumping off a bridge

So I might as well go freeze in a fridge


Sometimes when I go to bed

I start to dread

Why I can't have a better life

So I try to stay away from a knife


Sometimes when I feel taunted

I also feel unwanted

It is hard for me to concentrate

So I need to try to illustrate


Sometimes I feel like disappearing

So maybe I should stop interfering

Sometimes things are unforgiving

So I should go missing


Sometimes when I am dreaming

I am really seeming

Like a pest

Without a good rest


Inside of me is a disaster

So I should become a pastor

I ain't gonna lie

Cause I want to die


I always hate what happens to me

Which reminds me of a catastrophe

If people were nice

Then roll the dice


Sometimes I want to weep

When I look into something deep

When I look into the snow

I just want to woe


I need some help

So maybe I should yelp

If life doesn't stop

Then I shall pop


I hate being the nuisance

But it is hard for me to make improvements

I used to be a bully

But now I am holy


Sometimes I go insane

Because of having pain

From being beaten so much

That is makes me feel sick to eat my lunch


All the pain in my heart

Makes me want to fall apart

If I had a nice dad

I most likely would never be sad

Nor be mad


If I had someone to love

I would flutter off life a beautiful dove

If I was beautiful

Then I wouldn't be so pitiful


Sometimes I start to shake

Because in my soul it feels like a stake

Sometimes I get cornered

To where I am able to be tortured


I can't be saved

So I should go off in a rampage

Maybe I should just perish

And go to the place that is so devilish


Sometimes I am so nervous

So I think about burning in the fiery furnace

Sometimes I feel like I am under a spell

That's going to send me far into hell


Sometimes I become so scared

That it makes me the most feared

Sometimes I feel so dumb

That my body becomes numb


I hate when bad dreams come true

Because then I mentally do get blue

If only I was pure

I wouldn't have to be secure


If only I had a soul

I wouldn't be getting tortured be a troll

If only I was pure of heart

I would be smart

And I wouldn't have to restart


I hope I can see God soon because he is the one true God

Because then I wouldn't be odd

And I wouldn't get hit with a rod

Nor be shift off in a pod


Why does no one care for me

Because then it makes me feel like a tree

I hate having fear

Because then I want to be killed by a bear


Sometimes I feel like a slave

So maybe I should be buried alive in a grave

Sometimes I feel like a savage

So maybe I should be sent to a jungle in a package


Maybe I should be put in jail

To make it feel like I am in hell

Maybe I should dangle from a rope

Because I have no hope


If I have rage

I might start to age

If I get eaten

Please don't start getting beatin'

Because then you will start heatin'


Why do we have to learn

Because it makes me want to burn

Why is life so painful

It just makes me want to become beautiful


Sometimes I want to fall dead

While I am dreaming in bed

If I was gone

It would mean I have won


No one cares about me

So I shall jump off a tall tree

If I went into a deep sleep

It would not even make anyone weep


If blood is to be shed

Someone will most likely fall dead

Even if they lose their head

Sometimes there is no life to live

So why should we try to survive


This poem is about: 
My family