Abused by "god"

Location

Q.

I cannot imagine a life without you.

Scratch that.

Here I am living life without you.

We were too young to get married,

So we settled on unrealistic conversations about being together forever.

Funny thing is, there is no forever.

And I do not mean that in a pessimistic way.

I mean that as in one day you stopped thinking about forever.

One day you decided I wasn't going to be your forever anymore.

The sad part is,

I found life in being your forever.



You told me I was the one you wanted to share all your secrets with.

The one who wrote you a love story that did not involve "I hate you, go to hell"

The one who made you realize you did not need one night stands and bottles of Hennessy to feel alive.

The one who loved you more than she loved herself.

I’d be a replica of the girls you fell for,

So you could fall in love with me.



I’d slit my wrist just so you could tell me my scars were beautiful wounds that only the bravest soldiers have.

I’d drown myself in an ocean full of sins,

Giving up everything,

Hoping that you’d reach for something.

You reached for nothing.

Why didn’t you reach?



Loving someone should not feel like a hurricane in the middle of July,

Tearing apart everything one has ever known.

Loving someone is not disastrous

Only you made it a disaster.

Your disasters felt wonderful.



After our first argument you left me with a black eye

You looked into my eyes,

Told me this was your goodbye.

After a while,

I got used to your goodbyes.

You made leaving feel good.

I knew one day you’d come back to me.

Your return reminded me of Daddy’s apology to Mommy.

“I don’t know what got into me baby, I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”



When I was in trouble,

I used to turn to you,

You were my God.

Luckily,

I found the real God in  my darkness

He taught me what love was.

I should have said this months ago.

My body is a temple.

It is not made to be abused.

Women do not deserve to be beat simply because we are women.

People do not deserve to be beat at all.

I’ve pulled myself out of the darkness  you’ve put me in.

Now, I find life in God.



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