I come from two different worlds

The past and the present

The acceptance and rejections

I still don't know which one is my world

 

My mom always told me there was two

The religious and nonreligious

The poor and the rich

The ones who made wrong decisions

And the ones who made the right

She told me to pick one

But why just one?

 

Why can't I be myself

But still, go to church?

Why can't someone be happy

But be poor?

Why can't I sacrifice something for someone I love

And still be the right decision

 

When I came out to my mom

I didn't see it coming

She looked at me

Like she was in a whole different planet

 

She attacked me like a cheetah would do to an antelope

All I can hear is

“You a disgrace”

“You a disappointment”

 

The next day

I wasn't seeing any city

I was seeing the desert

I was in the position

That if I tried to make an effort

 

Wait hold up

I couldn't make no effort

I was 200 miles away from her

1 month passed

But I still didn’t hear from her

Even though I tried my hardest to be with her

When the moon came out

Everything was blurry

I couldn't even see a thing

Because I felt lonely

It took 5 months for my mom to finally see me

I was so happy that day

But guess what?

It was like a pie to the face

After everything, I couldn't see my mom the same way

Why would I?

She was never there for me

Every time I saw her

It was like passing through a stranger

I couldn't tell her anything

Because if I did

It would only bring up anger

One day I woke up

Having cables all over my body

I couldn't  walk nor speak

I felt like a baby

Everyone had to take care of me

My first step was after 3 days

Where I had to depend on everybody

 

I was seeing the nurse

Saying everything would be ok

I saw my mom

She was in tears

But why?

She didn't even want me here

My mom grew up in the past

Where everything was stricter

When racism and sexism was more overt

When they were taught homosexuals was a sin

I get where she coming from

But she got to understand

That today is the present

And everyone is accepted

But still into this year

2018

Were supposedly you can be

Whatever you want

I still see no difference

People are scared

But why are they scared

They need to be proud

Of who they are

But now I get it

They're afraid

They're afraid they're going to end up in the streets

Just how more than 50% of homeless people were

When they made that decision

But why?

Why can't I do both?

I will wear a fucken rainbow nipple pasties

Cover my whole body in rainbow paint

And march at the pride parade

If I please

Then wear a dress covering my whole body

Showing no skin

Go to church and praise Jesus

And God and the Holy Spirit

So please don't think any less of me

Just because of who I love