How was I supposed to know you seriousness, we’ve joked about that apple for so long,

When picked; my breath fled along with my nerves.

Sure, we were best friends and I neglected to inform you of my love for you,

But I hoped you never knew, hoped you wouldn’t use it to experiment with me.

I tell our friends it wasn’t the drugs, I cry because they think I was disillusioned when I wasn’t.

I was terrified of not being enough while it was happening if you’re still wondering why I couldn't relax, and I was right.

We laid cooling off in your room, your mom sneaking through the hall, but we weren’t scared.

For the same reason why going 120 on the highway didn’t scare us; we were us together.

Even though you plotted to shed me we still went to marble falls,

But now that lake is soaked in the blood of our friendship.

We camped on a rock next to the lake with crashing waves, no wonder we drowned,

You never listened to my reason to camp further inland.

Never making an effort to speak about it, or to me, I drank grey goose on the edge of the cliff,

There was a beautiful hotel on the other side of the that huge lake.

Do you think if I swam hard enough I would make it? maybe someone could love me there,

But I never tried. I thought we were happy with what had happened.

Driving me to leave with my parent must have been a relief,

 and I didn’t lie when I had been thinking about it all weekend; ‘is that gonna happen again?’.

“Yes”

you stared as if my question grew wings as it left my lips, unaware of your falsehood

never again would I EVEN STAY THE NIGHT.

When everyone found out, I never would forgive the snake.

My body spiraled into a net; cramps, nausea, I could not face that I had brought the end of our friendship and any chance at anything.

Maybe if I was not so excited that I had you, I could still have you, I spooked a rare bird like the pictures say.

But you ignored me and your feelings I was told, never answering your text or talking to me in person.

 I cried every night for a week and could not eat,

I’m sorry for what I did to us, but feel I have my feelings to and I can’t always change them.