Again and Again

My teeth are clenched
Eyebrows furrowed
Noisy cries give way to dry, convulsive sobs.

And my heartbeat quickens.
I am sickened at the thought of Him abandoning me.
Sickened at the thought of Him not answering me.
Face wet from tears.
Trickling down my cheek
Voice quivers as I speak
I am so weak
God I need you.
Fingers tightly embracing one another.
There is a
Lump in my throat

Anger in my heart
Fear in my eyes
Lord.
Again and again I say amen
Praying that the man
Who died on the cross
And allowed me to cross
Over into righteousness
Would hear my cries for help.
That my pleas would be felt
By His omnipotence.

What sense does it make for me to pray when He does not change anything?
Why spend my time on my knees
Begging God please
When my circumstances don’t change?
God, I must be honest, but this this seems a little strange.
You desire your children to seek you and pray
Yet things stay
Just as they are.
Again and again I say amen.

Again and again I look around and still see my parents arguing
I still feel that intense sting
Of my loved ones who have passed away and
My income still isn’t stable and I feel the anger that brings
I don’t have the clothes, hair, relationship I want and
God it’s frustrating.

Muttering prayers behind clenched teeth
As my defeat
Is seeped
Through my countenance.
Wallowing in my frustrations I start to see
That maybe God has not changed my circumstances for the betterment of me
Maybe He wants to teach me endurance
How to exercise my perseverance.
Prayer is not meant to change God, but him who prays.
So when I run into trials, I should give Him praise
Romans 5:3-5 gives us hope
It lets us know there is a purpose for the pain
Faith and trust is something He is trying to ingrain
in us
When we run into sufferings and seek God
Know that He listens and understands.
Though our hurt tries to keep us under, soon we will stand.
I love the Lord because He hears my voice
And because of that, I will rejoice.  
For I know that He has not forsaken me
Instead He’s molding me into a better me
A me that is becoming more Him-like
Christ-like
Jesus-like
God-like
Again and again I say amen

And there’s confidence when I pray
There’s confidence when I talk to Him
I know He is teaching me with every conversation that we have
So in my Christ, in my God
I will be glad.

Comments

Lynn Hyde

Wow, you're great

jibeanusi

Thanks :)

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