ain't I suppose to be special?
I'm too "alpha male" to be a lady
And not man enough to black
So, is this what a contradiction looks like?
but ain't I supposed to be special
ain't I a woman
when a black man tells me I'm too thick for my age or my own good
Or when people tell me the clothes I wear are too fitting for my figure
but ain't this the way God made me?
ain't I supposed to be comfortable in my own skin?
ain't I supposed to be confident?
ain't I supposed to be proud of the way I look?
when he ask me for my number and I say no In three different octaves
ain't I a woman?
Ain't I supposed to be special?
when I walk in foreign places and get the same gazing look from foreign faces
ain't I a woman?
when a older white woman talks to me with her hands like I've never read a book before
when she talks Ebonics like I won't understand Mark twain
When she talks injustice like I've never met a cop before
when she talks equality like I've never lived in the southside of Washington, D.C.
when she quiets me then speaks on my behalf like I'm not educated enough to speak for myself
But ain't I supposed to be special?
ain't I a child of 18
ain't I a foster child
ain't I the statistic
Ain't I been writing poetry since I could read a book
Ain't my life been nothing but poetry
ain't I been writing my life?
Ain't my life been writing itself for me?
Didn't I bruise a black man's ego by saying the word "no" one too many times the other day
ask him to stop calling my curves "something else"
ask him to stop looking at me as if I'm "asking for it"
ask him to stop calling my bruises sacrifices like I wanted to be the example
like I wanted to be a hero
Calling my suffering an inconvenience
But ain't I supposed to be special
Ain't I a woman too
God made Eve for Adam,
not Adam for Eve
So really, a man needs me I don't need no man
boys will call your love a blemish or a distraction to their success
As if Malcolm X and MLK ain't suck milk from a black woman's breast
But ain't I woman
ain't I a bitch
I mean ain't that a bitch
oh I must be bitter
I must be angry
All these scrimmages and hurdles I must face
But can I be honest?
Some of these Goliaths I am not david enough to face
I am still something that I hate to admit
Ain't I afraid
I am not invincible
But ain't I invisible
I am fight, but I am not war
I can go to battle, but I know I will not always win
But I won't say that if you ask
if you ask
I'll show you the power behind my smile
I'll show you the happy I haven't really felt in a while
I'll be strong and I won't back down
I'll show you the anger that my looks always deceive
Because I don't get to be afraid
because I am a black woman
And ain't that special enough