ALIEN GIRL

You. 

I'm gonna write a poem for you,

I'm writing poems upon poems to release everything that I might think I have against you 

And vendetta isn't the word I'd used bc I'm simply tryna break free of whatever shackle u have me in 

Bc I can't seem to find hate for you, and even the day u let them take me away and shave my head, I was mad for three days, but not a single day was dedicated to you 

Funny you'd ask what it was you did to me funny you're actually convinced that I might be mentally, 

Fucked up 

If only u knew what it's like to be fucked up, and unloved bc the love u showed me contained thorns and they poked me, ripped half my skin only to grow again and mold me

Truth is I raised me 

Truth is I respect and love you but would never fear you 

You were just a caretaker who carried the weight of pitty for this little girl who didn't even know what pity was, until the nightly conversations consisted of question About who she really was, 

You fed me clothed me helped me ( in a sense) I guess so you know I'll play my due 

But u also dehumanized me and I accepted it never spoke up for me bc I was constantly muted, and even when I'm surrounded by broken clocks I'm stuck in my timeless mind 

And you never cared enough to know what was really in my mind so u made assumptions that it was you, that I was just sitting still and plotting against you, like i wasn't thinking about the venue at the party that I'd like to throw when I became an industry owner, a fashion designer, a mother, when I actually get the chance to be treated like a daughter. And through so much pain u claim I brought u heartache and I'll never take away your story just let me tell mine,

like remember that Sunday morning when I wore what she wore bc you fussed for so long about me not looking beautiful,

Enough to walk with you I'd assume

But that same Sunday morning you said theses words, that in due time you eventually got loose with it and began saying it around, to people, your friends, motherfuckers I never met , that you let into my life before I could accept and welcome them you told them everything that I ever did that made u mad to make me look bad so now I gotta watch out for the side eye like I wasn't doing research on how to open my third eye, due to the fact that I felt there must be something I was missing when you told me around them that sunday morning that "I looked like a person today" as if I wasn't human all those other days, and I confirmed to your words and I accepted it for true and I removed "human" when I adresssed me & I input alien, goddess, god, sun, sunny girl 

You always say the good kids, reborn themselves 

I took to the initiative to transform my self into a Queen, a beautiful being that maybe will never be understood by you but I dammn sure made a good living 

And I'm sorry that you had to live with, the little girl who u convinced yourself took your daughters life, like I wasn't sick that day and u made a conscious decision to walk away for a moment and your daughter flew away 

And I'm sorry that I carried that burden off of you and I dealt with the hate. 

Like the night you told your sister that I called social services and told them your were man handling your own son, and u called your daughter to testify that she knew nothing about it but I called that same daughter to ask her this and she said she knew nothing about it and that you never called to swear so you made up a lie so in her eye I look like the demon child well lucky you, bc I'm stepping out and I'll no longer be that, your, but never really your

Problem child.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
Our world
Guide that inspired this poem: 

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