Alone in a crowded room, but determined to be heard

Location

I've been surrounded by people,

who've greatly impacted my life.

"Great", such a terriible word.

Its nature is a double-edged sword.

For one who conquers the world,

whether to spread love or unleash hate

has gained control of the earth's fate

and thus deserves the title of "great".

 

As far back as I can recall,

I loved laughing, smiling, and pleasing all

When I was younger, I felt so powerful.

Knowing that I could alter someone's worst day,

with an unwavering smile.

I cannot explain the pain I felt when others were down

It's as if my own soul could read into their hearts

and see what demon was tearing them apart.

If a simple smile was not enough to cheer them up

I'd go to extremes to make them laugh and get their spirits up.

 

As I got older I realized a terrible truth.

Everyone around me was laughing at my expense.

The things I did made me seem idiotic and foolish

And I was treated like an animal without any sense.

Though it hurt to hear my own family ridicule me

My mind said to me, "You are being heard, can you not see?"

I told myself that it mattered not why they showered me with attention

For I was being seen and heard, that's all I ever wanted.

 

When the pain of laughter seemed too great at home,

I longed for school, my temporary refuge.

But alas, the day came when school became my bitter enemy

Partly because my relatives attended school with me.

Why they were determined to turn my friends against me,

It remains uncertain.

Maybe it does not matter, but the outcome was victorious

From time to time, people look at me with an evil eye

I honestly cannot bare it, though it scars my pride

To admit that the world's cold stare burned through my very soul.

I had no one, nothing to console my soul.

I was alone in a crowded room, unseen and unheard by all.

 

The day came when I could not take it

I skipped class, to weak to bare anymore hatred

I cried in the solitude of the library.

I always hated reading.

Surrounded by so many books,

I could not help my temptation.

I read numerous books,

That gave my body a great sensation.

I could not believe how many authors created stories that mirrored my own shattering life

I found stories mixed with the heart's desires, uncertainty, and strife.

I was alone in the room, but both heard and accompanied by my books.

 

A time came where I felt ungrateful.

For my heart was tainted with darkness,

But I was not disabled.

I realized that my voice mattered too.

I broke my vow of solitude,

determined to show the world that I am here.

Planning to be a successful nurse and child psychologist,

I picked my grades up and transformed back into my former self

Never realizing how much I missed being happy.

I tore down my own walls.

Day by day, I let more people in. 

This is a battle I am still determined to win.

Maybe those evil people who bullied me are no different than I.

Maybe they too bulit walls through which they hide,

I promise one day that I will purify any heart that comes my way

For my dermination is both great and without flaw.

Finally, I can look forward to a brighter future.

Whether by accident or by choice, the darkness surrounding me has shown me the light.

I am standing in an overcrowded room where voices fill the air,

and I solemly swear that my thoughts will be acknowledged too.

 

After hearing my heart's deepest secrets,

and my mind's permanent fate

Of reliving my past nightmares

that somehow make me stronger

I cannot help but wonder,

what is your definition of  "great"?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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