Am I Going Crazy?

I count to ten and i'm calm but I swear it's all in slow motion.
One..
Her yelling echos through my head over and over, everything she has ever said to make me feel, worthless.
Two…
I hate her. I hate her. I hate me. I hate her.
Three…
Im shaking. Red tears fall from the hundreds of eyes now open on my thighs. Some overlapping the ones that are forever shut.
Four…
Everything from my childhood that caused me to hate myself comes hurling back and hits me so hard I feel a blackout coming.
Five…
I can't breath. The ground is cold. Red tears cover the floor again. Everything is dark.
Six…
Crying so hard i am gasping for air. I don't know why they hate me.
They made me hate me too.
Seven…
Im numb. I don't feel anything. I stare at the wall with no expression.
I don't want to care, so i don't.
Eight...
My eyes are heavy and the eyes on my thighs are now scabbed.
I’m exhausted. I want to sleep, sleep means escaping for a little while.
What comes after eight?
I can't think.
My mind is foggy and I dont say, know, what, do, red.
Help.
I'm scared.
I don't know who or what.
The walls are going away and i'm shrinking.
ok...
One…
Everything is coming back and I don't want to be here.
One…
Her yelling echos through my head over and over, everything she has ever said to make me feel, worthless.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741