It comes so quickly
It leaves me weak and helpless
I try to talk
Nothing, as if somebody hit the mute button
My breathing quickens
As if I just finished running a marathon
I collapse upon a chair or the floor
Weighed down by the burden of the fear
I forget what happens
I ask someone and they tell me
It infuriates me to not remember
I cry letting the memories roll down my cheeks
It scares me
What happens if one day I can't be helped
What if I completely lose control
What if I let out what I hold within
Will I hurt someone
These are my fears
The anxiety
The panic
The fear
I wish for it to disappear
But it is never gonna go away
This is gonna be a life long struggle