Anybody

Location

Outside
The entirety of my resolve runs with the river of tears that
Trickle, then
After a brief moment of suspense
Break free, carving
Cruel lines down my ravaged cheeks, a howling flood let
Loose. My eyes are
Hopeless, wretched dams,
And I lay face up in my own flesh and blood.

 

I lay in ruins.

 

Inside
My heart is an abandoned fortress
I know.
Here, the reverberating echoes mock me
There, the doors creak,
an arthritic memory of the pounding rhythm that once declared me alive.
Rusty hinges swing helplessly
A nightmarish rendition of innocent laughter

 

Broken wings beat, relentless.

 

Can anybody hear me? I'm dying inside

Comments

WordSmith_15

Wow. this poem is great. i definitely got caught up in the imagery of it all. You convey the emotions of helpness and saddness/sorrow extremely well. 

Favorite line: My eyes are hopeless, wretched dams, and I lay face up in my own flesh and blood. ..My heart is an abandoned fortress. 

This is perfect. I love how you convey the internal and the external. Well donw. 

However, I don't think the line "I lay in ruins" is necessary. One thing with poetry is to convey as much as you can with as little as you can. You already delievered such a powerful statement  and imagery of laying in your own flesh and blood, pretty much being as close to death as it gets. and then you come back with saying "I lay in ruins". this downplays the imagery you just established and it loses a little bit of its effect.

overall, really great poem. my favorite of yours so far. keep up the good writing =)

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