We have been taught to change the world,
But mostly the world spins on and continues to change us.
I know things can be different for me,
They have to be.
I refuse to be a part of the same old routine,
To have people scream to me that I cannot change the world.
And knowing that the word is a big and sometimes hateful place,
I am resigned to know that I can only change my own tiny little earth.
The world that I live in is my own,
Controlled by the mindset that others can control my own thoughts and actions.
But this changes today.
There will come a day when I can smile in the face of my mother’s addiction,
Laugh at the pain that my Father once inflicted,
And erase the images of my brother’s expression when I was forced to part with him for what seems like forever.
I will do this through education and scrubbing the ignorance from my developing brain.
There will be hours of determination that will exhaust and break me down.
But nothing can beat me down like my past,
So I will face it head on like a gale force wind.
I will grit my teeth against hardship and the overwhelming sense of hopelessness as I review the first bill of my college career.
Sometimes, thinking out of the box is frowned upon,
Sometimes art is just a hobby.
But for the people like me,
Who no longer accept these lives that society has shackled us to,
We will study how people function.
Slowly picking apart the rationalities that lead people to a substance dependent life.
And for myself,
I will pursue a life of healing.
Not through medications and immunizations,
But through the power that a little bit of paint holds when it goes from the brush to the uprooted trees.
I want and need to change the course of the life that others have set me on.
And I’ll do it through the creative therapy that soothed the cycling thoughts that made my brother rage at me.
There will be no more abuse,
Only a life of color and expanding opportunities.