I am, or,

I was

            someone who didn’t know who I was, or, am.

            No way to start this poem, no way to really see

 

Who

I

Am.

 

            It took one night to have everything settle in.

My mind stirred during this one night.

This poem wasn’t relevant before that night, I

                                                                                    hadn’t

                                                                                    even

                                                                                    thought

                                                                                    about

it.

 

Lights dimmed and then flashes happened

            Once, twice, three times

The beats appeared in the back                 then the bass

                        then the rhythm started                  and words soared through the

                                                                                                                        room.

 

It began in my feet.

Waves traveled up my legs

                                                            and

                                                                        rattled my empty chest.

Vibrations shook my ribs and my body was overcome.

 

My mind was excited and forgot everything.

                                                                                                                        Everything.

 

I was so used to an empty chest that when weight entered –

                                                                        a good kind of weight,

            the heavy feeling didn’t feel so somber for once.

I felt proud to carry myself for once;                      I was proud to be in that moment.

 

Lyrics swirled around my head

as bodies pushed against me.

I held on to the one person I’ll always need

as we let loose and danced to the music surrounding us.

 

I am who I am when dark walls, strangers, and music surround me

but I don’t feel alone.