Attention

Location

Some people don’t know that there is a pain that never ends.

You don’t know pain I hear my elders say
So what I haven’t carried the weight of a baby for 9 months and felt the pain of childbirth
I have carried the weight of the world on my shoulders for 16 years and felt the pain of the world above me telling me…to get over it

'You do it for attention' all the posts say
When a girl with no hope tags her self-hate
I don’t want attention, it’s a secret cry
For help PLEASE!
Take the blade away before I kill myself…

Broken glass and razor blades slit the hated skin
For attention?  No!
Because I feel numb and the numbness is scary
consuming you and building up until it all pours out in crimson red and it’s too late because the numbness is permanent and the sentence is final
DEATH!
For attention

She wanted attention, but not what you think
She wanted a mum, who didn’t care, and a dad, who drank too much to care, to help
Look! Your baby is hurting,  your baby is dying for what!?
Attention

The monsters inside whisper ‘Alex darling,  they don’t care’
Poisoning her mind until she poisoned her body
Filling with ketoses that ate her away
So the boy that she liked would say she looked nice
Because beauty is forever a number and 0 is perfection

Attention, attention
Listen for that call
It was too late for Clara
I barely made it with Alex
When a stranger behind the protection of a web, in a place we once called safe,
Harassed her until she took a pill that made Alex sleep really long
I barely made it in time to make the call that ultimately saved her life

I am no hero here 
I am a lost soul who’s been through it all
I fake smiles by day and fight demons by night
6 months gone with no self-harm
A new personal best for being alive
Looking at the little things to bring me up in a life that pulls me down
NO MORE!

I am pained, not for attention
from pettiness and madness yet through it all I found the truth,  I saw the lies
I made it another Goddamn day!

Attention everyone!

I am here.

I am alive.

I made it.

For attention?

No.

.

.

For me.

 

 

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