Breaking news! This is the story of the year, a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see

an indomitable empire torn at the seams

Two armies facing off in a ballot box battle

armed with health care and weed, making the continent rattle

We watch the showdown, shouting, making bets on the prize

without realizing it is us, not a trophy, to be awarded at the finish line

A nation of people who have always hung in a balance

of order and liberty, self-preservation and malice

Where fathers carry guns and fear the police

and girls are not allowed to walk alone in the streets

We march, outraged, when tasty Twinkies are dying

but turn a blind eye to polar bears sinking from temperatures rising

We underpay teachers and wonder why students underperform in the classroom

and then bar those same students from using the bathroom

We criticize, instead of coach the generation that will be ruling before long

and wonder where everything went so terribly wrong

We trample each other to teach but dodge every chance to learn

If nothing else, we get the government we deserve.