Barely Scratching The Surface

 

 
Let me introduce myself 
Hi, my name is Chase 
Before you judge me 
Let me tell you my story:
I was never like the other kids you see
I had a different personality 
For the next 2 years 
(Casually beginning with kindergarten)
I was always an "out cast" 
The odd one out 
The youngest of the bunch 
I was the last kid you'd want to play with
After those grueling two years of miscommunication 
Diagnosis came to me 
I had what's known as ADHD 
Active hyper.. Yeah nobody cares.. 
I was maybe only 6
Just a baby
I was in third grade 
Medication
I can honestly say
I've take most of them out there 
ADHD 
My damn father gave it to me 
It's hereditary 
At age 9 
I started to see
Everything my parents tried to keep from me
The nights I'd sit in my room and cry
To the screaming of my parents 
The remarks of a deadbeat father 
Soon to be 
I will never forget the vision of a father 
Who wanted to hurt my mommy 
My father never blamed me 
But I took all the blame 
It had to be me 
My fault 
Can't you see? 
Divorced 
I was only 9
After my mother moved out
And my dad settled in 
He once again 
Left my life 
Age 9 or 10
He began to abuse me
The burning 
Swollen hand prints had marked my skin
At school I was asked what happened
I'd never disclose 
My father is an alcoholic 
And abuses me so 
At age eleven 
I made my first cut 
Nobody made a scene 
It's bigger than it seems 
I stopped for awhile and then at age 13
My cutting picked up again 
And I had to leave 
I wasn't allowed in school 
Until I was clean
Holly Hills mental hospital
My dad gave not two shits about me 
I was sent to that hell 
8 days away from home 
I didn't belong there 
After I got back my guy friend raped me 
This is the first I've disclosed of it
Publicly 
He's since moved away 
And no longer in my life 
I've been molested twice 
And one just recently 
No names will be said 
And stories either 
Just plain out there fact
My sophomore year 
I was merely 14 
My heart had been shattered 
I was too attached you see 
I couldn't get over her 
And when I finally did 
My life turned around 
And it soon began 
Something's got worse
Like the constant thoughts 
Of still suicide 
I'm not fully recovered 
But I've got people on my side 
I was told by my mom 
I was diagnosed with depression 
When I wasn't home 
I've been in therapy since I was 6 
At least 10 different therapist 
And new one to fix 
Me 
After I got to know him
Dr. Matt Wolf 
My dad said I couldn't see him 
Because he was in control 
My father, a control freak, ruined me worse 
My signs of bipolar began to emerge 
My sophomore year still
I took a chorus trip
Busch Gardens 
Not gonna lie
It was the shit 
But before that trip 
My signs began to show 
Not only 
Depression 
Bipolar 
But Dissociative identity disorder too
Senior year 
Follow me 
My therapist now doesn't believe 
I have voices in my head 
That try to kill me 
I have been attacked 
Yet fully aware
Sometimes 
It's like I'm not even there 
All these personalities 
I fight them constantly 
The demons in my head 
And I mean literally 
It's hard to take seriously 
But please just believe me 
Not many do 
And for you to 
Means a lot to me 
Skip ahead to this day in time 
My first time 
Ever 
"Performing live" 
I've never vocalized my poetry 
Not shared my story 
This isn't even
My entire story 
 

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