Beautiful Spite

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You look at me and think I'm fine, confident and loving life,

Unaffected by your exclusion.

If only you could see

The tears I have cried at night

The knives I feel in my heart and back.

Because of you I cried myself to sleep after my senior homecoming.

This was supposed to be the best year of my life;

We were supposed to make so many great memories.

Instead you left.

And I don't know why.

I don't let you glimpse the immense pain you have inflicted upon me.

That would make me feel weak.

Inferior.

But still, I am not broken,

You have made me strong.

I am not the girl you knew before; I am no longer dependent on others.

My value now comes from me. I am beautiful because I say I am.

I am intelligent.

I am powerful.

And I am no longer yours.

I act docile; I politely smile at you in the hall.

Sometimes I want to show you what you've done.

But what would it solve?

The whispers would increase.

But maybe you would understand that my feelings are not toys.

Maybe you would realize that I am worth an explanation

And so much more

If you did bother yourself enough to talk to me,

You would not recognize me.

So don't look for the girl behind the curtain.

She is no longer there.

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