Because I Am Not Beautiful

Location

Senegal

"You are not beautiful"

I tell myself this in the mirror.

And I smile. A true smile. My smile.

A wonderful smile.

 

Because I am no longer beautiful

I can stop searching for the worth of my reflection,

and instead paint a landscape over my mirror,

and turn my thoughts to the glory of nature.

 

Because I am no longer beautiful,

I will not spend nights wondering if I will find love,

rather I will spend afternoons finding appreciation in silence.

 

Because I am no longer beautiful,

my prayers will no longer radiate

Desperation and Unease.

My benedictions will emanate gratitude and calm.

 

Because I am no longer beautiful

my showers will still be 45 minutes long.

I’ll just spend more doodling on foggy shower doors

And less time scrubbing in hopes of finding an

ideal that doesn't exist.

 

Because I am no longer beautiful

my dinners will no longer be a battle

of wills and shame.

Enjoyment  and ice cream will instead

Be the only things I'll allow myself to taste. 

 

I know of course that people will still try to get me to believe

That I am beautiful. I'll shrug and say,

"Everyone has their flaws. Forgive me for mine."

 

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