Because You Matter

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 Once upon a time a little girl lay on the floor on her room,

Curled up in a blanket and wondering when mommy would be home,

Mommy always made things better, she could make daddy stop hurting her,

Daddy scared the hell out of her and every day living in fear for her life had broken her somewhere along the way,

a childhood had been robbed of the safety and love and growing that it should have had and was replaced with hostility and abuse,

She went to school not for education, but to find the love she never had at home,

the home that was hardly a home but a prison, a place off terror, the last place she ever wanted to be,

Years later, that little girl grew up as little girls do, graduated high school, and went off to college,

Yet again, not going to school for the education or future, just in pursuit of finding someone who would care for her in ways no one ever had,

Part of her still broken with a the emotional stability of a house of cards, ready to collapse at any time,

Now that she was on her own, she no longer was afraid of her father yelling at her for being weak,

she broke, shattered into a million pieces,

Yet again, she found herself on the floor hurting more than ever before, yet scared, yet feeling nothing at all,

with a razor in her hand and an agonizing numbness in her heart,

Because maybe, if she cut deep enough, she could feel something

after being forced to hold it all in for so long, she had smothered the flame of her emotions,

numb to the world, and she'd had no idea how bad everything had become,

she was convinced she was going crazy, and she probably was going insane with the hate deep inside her that she held toward herself, her life, her family, everything she ever knew,

IhatemeIhatewhoIamIamworthlessIdon'tdeservetobealiveIshouldhaveneverbeenbornIwillnevergoanywhereinlifeYouWillNeverBeGoodEnoughEveryoneisbetteroffwithoutme...I should just die

Every.Single.Day. She repeated this, because those were the words she heard though her daddy's actions growing up,

It showed in her appearance after going days without eating because she was convinced she wasn't worth the resources required for living,

It showed in her grades as she had convinced herself she too stupid to even try, because even if she did try, she'd never succeed,

She had no friends, no family to go back to, no one who loved her,

So here she is, laying on the bathroom floor, so numb, unable to even cry, when she says the words,

“You are worth saving”

She looks at her arms and thinks to herself “You don't deserve this”

Slowly, she began to heal herself,

Because the only one she needed to love her, was herself,

Because the only one can say “You deserve to live” and have it matter, was herself,

I matter. I deserve to live. I deserve to thrive and prosper and I owe it to myself to succeed

I now believe in myself and you should too

Because you matter.

 

Guide that inspired this poem: 

Comments

savigirl14

that is beautiful

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