Behind Closed Doors

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You know that girl who's always smiling and laughing,
That girl who isn't popular, but everyone likes her,
That girl who can cheer anyone up within seconds,
That girl who loves and cares for everyone?
"That girl" is actually me.

Well, a part of me.
The part people see when the door is opened..

You see, the real me is different.
The complete opposite of "that girl"
The real me is who no one sees,
That side of me is shown behind closed doors..
To no one.

I'm the girl who's so depressed she doesn't know what to do with herself,
The girl who sits alone in her room in the dark crying until she throws up.
I'm the girl who buries her feelings deep inside and pays for it in the long run,
The girl who is so self conscious she doesn't believe she's beautiful when people tell her.

I'm the girl who gives relationship advice, but can't keep one herself because her anxiety overruns the relationship.
The girl who hurts herself to get rid of the other pain she's feeling.
I'm the girl who everyone calls "emo" or "suicidal"
The girl who would be judged so quickly of anyone knew how she really felt.
I'm the girl who helps anyone so quickly to make sure they don't feel the way she does.

You see,
I'm the girl who knows the true meaning of "loneliness
The girl who knows anxiety, self harm, self hatred.
The girl who knows all about rejection.
I'm girl who wishes to be happy, but can only act it all out.

I lost myself last year,
I'm trying to find my way back.

But, this is the real me.
The me behind closed doors.
The me I am trying to change,
So I can be happy again.

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