To the big guy up there

Dear unknown force that supposedly created the world,
You created the world
Good job
Created the world of the materials you had made before with some space dust and some other scientific shit that was included; we don’t need to know
You created the world and let it go

You let it go
Seeing what would happen of this so called piece of land flowing through nothingness and everythingness all at the same time
But does it amuse you?
Amuses you to see the world being made, with wheels beginning to turn and the houses being built

But don’t forget the war?
The war, the fights of conflict that you, yourself, even cause because people begin to have similar but different ideas about your creation just interpreted differently?

You see this war but what do you do?
Nothing
Nothing alone from wherever you are or maybe even not
I guess it just depends on what you believe

Ok big guy sorry for the taunting
But you know it’s true
Yeah you created the world and the people but that’s all you did right?
Maybe I should pay attention in class more
Your finest creation, Adam and Eve, was made using some mud and ribs
And that Eve was made for Adam which I guess just supports the patriarchy in the end but that’s for a different time
Now it’s just known as some sex toy shop

I understand that you support helping others and the needy basically
But why should I acknowledge your existence in order to help others
Besides you probably don’t even acknowledge mine
Sorry I mean that’s probably selfish
Selfish to think that I can keep my life from dissipating through the finger that which you have granted me
Selfish to think that I can do things without your guidance and the morals you have given me
Selfish to think that I just don’t need you

I don’t need you
I don’t need to believe in you to get my work done
I don’t need to believe in the very likelihood that you exist and that sole fact should keep me ending this “gift”
To have hope that this so-called mosiah will come down from the heavens and take me with them as salvation from my own feelings and this world that you let go

You ease others consciences
Ease them of the pain they feel
The guilt they cause themselves because they know what they did was wrong
“An all forgiving god” is what I’m told
Yet all you do for me is seem to cause more pain

You play your games of guilt
Chasing me with fliers of how great you are hoping I will catch on
So I stacked a wall of blocks
The wall is the sacrifice I give you
I could easily push down the blocks
Push the blocks down and see that shining face of yours and kneel to you, maybe beg for your mercy to take this numbness away, at least as far as I’m told that’s how it goes

But lucky for you, you’ve granted me stubbornness
Which is probably your only regret
Because that stubbornness is what keeps me away
The stubbornness is what helps me endure the pain
Endure the results of the mistakes that I have made

So... sorry “big guy”

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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