Biorythm
Beginning
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Its 2AM & I’m lonelier than I’ve ever been.
Attachment is a funny thing It forms so quickly
It creates the most painful letdown when it’s only a few days old
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But my favorite times are when we’re so close you can’t tell where my freckles end and his begin
Just a blur of angel kisses all mixed together.
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Middle
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I have never been more in love than at this exact moment
In love with his strength and the way his arms wrap tightly around my shoulders as he hugs me
In love with the curve of his shoulder where my head rests perfectly
His gentle spirit, slow anger, lack of planning, his smile & his smirk
His unyielding love, protection, and care for me
His quick wit, honesty, loyalty
His intellectual side
His political activism
His love & connection with his family
But most of all I am in love with his heart
I love him I LOVE him I LOVE HIM
How could I ever face this life, these challenges, every day, every hour, without him
I love him I love him I love HIM
Please let my love be enough
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I love him fully
I longed for all the time I could get with him
Greedy
Time seemed short though, as if it were running out
I had no idea why
I just knew I needed more than a lifetime with him
He made my past drift away, a great expanse between that girl and who I became
As if everything that happened was in a different world
A past life
Distant
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End
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The world is dark
Spinning
Its late and I’m too drunk to actually know what time it is
I think we’ve been at the party for a while now
Then we’re in line at Whataburger
He’s driving my car and I look over to him
I’m overcome with nostalgia and full, bursting with happiness
My skin will split and sunshine will pour through
My happiness will fill the car, the city
I’m remembering high school
This town where I grew up
The salt is tangible in the air
Once again I feel 16 & carefree here
But I’m 21 now
His whole group is here and its fun
Bonfire comes on
I’ve never felt more confident than in that moment
I drunkenly nail every line of the song and it feels like magic
The air is electric, the salt igniting with our chemistry
I sloppily grin at him
This is the happiest I have ever been
The happiest I will ever be
It’s a little later now
A month has almost passed
He told me the night he fell in love with me was that night
The moment I nailed the song he just knew
He said he had never been happier than that night
He knew he loved me
That’s what he said “I love you”
I remember it perfectly
“I wanna say something, but I think its too early”
“I actually think so too”
“It’s only been 4 ½ months”
“yeah”
We looked at each other and he continued
“Fuck it, I love you”
“I love you too”
And late that May night I fell asleep contentedly next to him
The love of my life
Those 3 words would haunt me 3 years later
I snap out of the memory
I’m drunk again
The drunk night in the salt air is 3 years in the past
I am alone
I feel I’ll always be alone
I want to die
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“Happy Birthday” I text him
I swallow the pills and wait for the last words I’ll ever read
They’re from him
We talk
I feel like sleeping
He’s out with her
The pills make me sick
I am dying
I can’t wait for the relief of the end
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After
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Its been a year
So much can change in a day, a year, 3 years
How could I have let my identity become him
How could I have taken him back after the black eye and broken finger
How could I have wanted it all to end only because he left
How could I have ever doubted that the night in the car over 4 years ago would be the happiest I had ever or would ever be
I am strong
I am independent
I love myself and I don’t need anyone, even him
I am lucky
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Now
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I am alone & I am so happy
I am so full of love
I am overflowing with life