Bonita
Location
I am beautiful
But I don’t know if that’s what you think
Because you don’t let that word
Or anything like it
come out of your mouth
I am you lover by night
Your friend in the morning
Someone who you could never allow to be “the one”
because I am beautiful
At least that’s what my mama tells me
That’s what my conscience tells me
That’s what my girls tell me
But never you
And never the other boys
And never the media
I refuse to buy Vogue
because I don’t see me
And I don’t see you
So why can’t we be ugly
together?
But you want the dream
You want that perfect job and the loads of money and the Ivy League education
You want that mansion, 3-and-a-half kids, the visual perfection
That just isn’t me
And that stings
Because I allowed “this” to continue
I don’t even know what “this” is
Because I thought one day you’d think I was beautiful
And I’ve waited years to hear you say it
I’ve waited years to let you think it
I’ve waited years for you to show it
I thought that I could persuade you
into thinking that I was your dream
But all I am is your sounding board
and your dick sucker
My mind is tired
My heart is tired
My mouth is tired
I am tired of swallowing
your feelings,
your thoughts,
your anger
I am tired of my mouth always being sticky and salty
While you stay empty
I am beautiful
That’s what my mama tells me
That’s what my conscience tells me
That’s what my girls tell me
But not you, never you
And never the other boys
And never the media
But I don’t need your validation
to know that my personality
My attitude
My spirit
My music
My mind
My body
My face
My dick-sucking lips
are beautiful
We could have been ugly together
But I don’t mind being beautiful alone.