My phone vibrates.

New message!

I open up the conversation, where my boyfriend of two years has sent me a message.

“Hey” it reads. “Can we talk?”

My heart starts to pound in my chest, my stomach already sinking.

I try to rationalize my anxiety away.

I reply, “yeah, whats up?”

It takes 2 minutes for another message.

My heart beating steadily faster, my stomach sinking lower.

 

Finally, my phone buzzes again.

“I think we’re too different for this relationship to work out long term.”

My heart breaks.

I don’t reply. I don't know what to say.

 

“We never talk, when we do we argue, and when we’re together it's awkward and feels forced.”

I wonder to myself if this is actually him.

We may not talk on a daily basis, but we’re both busy.

We’ve had one argument in the past 2 months.

The last time I was with him, I felt at peace.

There were long silences of just enjoying each others company.

Or so I thought.

 

“I know you feel a lot stronger about me than I do about you.”

Translation: I don’t love you anymore.

If you’ve never studied psychology, the chemicals Norepinephrine, Dopamine, and Oxytocin that create the feeling of love fade from the brain after 18 to 24 months.

I knew this was coming.

It had already happened to me.

But I *chose* to continue to love him.

Because long term relationships are successful because the couple chooses to love each other long after the initial feelings fade.

 

“I think it would be best if we were just friends.”

I still do not answer.

I still don’t know what to say.

There is a pain that fills my chest and slowly overwhelms me.

Not like a stabbing knife cutting my heart into pieces,

More like a world slowly crumbling into an abyss.

For hours, I lay curled up on the edge of my bed.

I do not move. I *can't* move.

I can barely breathe.

 

I still haven’t answered.